I’m so tired of justifying my right to exist. I’m so tired of defending my identity, my actions, my boundaries. But if I stopped advocating for myself and my communities, who would?
It’s utterly exhausting trying to explain why I deserve respect and human decency. And it hurts so much when people fail to see why I should be treated as a living, breathing, human being. Everytime they tell me their opinion is worth more than my experience it puts a crack in the carefully constructed walls I’ve built to protect myself.
I need those walls to survive. Every interaction with those that see me as less than human, worthless, and broken kills me a little more. I can’t force people to respect me as an individual, to accept me as I am, or to treat me with decency. I know that. Yet, I get my hopes up everytime expecting compassion and respect. I reach to see the best in people even when all they’ve shown me is their ugliness.
I can’t keep this up. If I do I’ll end up dead. If you can’t understand why I’m in so much pain and on the verge of giving up, then please just leave. I’m done explaining myself to you.
The Chronic Typist 