It is now exactly a month until I will be going under the knife for the first time. Thirty days from now, on April 9th, I will be waking up with some new hardware in my body. I will have a titanium bar in my chest as a means of correcting my pectus excavatum, a chest wall deformity causing my sternum to concave. I’ll be honest, when I first scheduled this surgery less than a month ago I was relieved that I finally had concrete plans to fix something that has been causing so many issues for so long. But now…I’m getting anxious. It’s not the going under anesthesia part or the intimidating pre-op rooms. I’ve been through all that before. It’s the fact that this may not be as effective as we hope. It may not relieve every symptom we expect it to. We know it will relieve the compression of my heart, but we don’t know what all is related to that and what is related to the dysautonomia. I guess when it gets down to it, I’m scared it will feel like the surgery was for not.
But, there is this sparkling little thing called faith. I have faith my doctors made the right call in recommending me for this procedure. I have faith in my Lord that He will see me through this difficult time. I have faith that He will take away my fears and instill in me a peace and sense of calm, a knowing that things will be all right. I have faith my family will take care of me and help me as I recover from this painful surgery. And I have faith in myself that I will be strong enough to see this through. Because whatever does happen and whatever the outcome may be, the choices I made, advice I followed, and wisdom I sought, helped me grow as a person and become more determined in making my life one that I am actually able to live.